Bottled Up Secret Read online

  “Wow,” I say, eyebrows raised.

  “Yeah.”

  “Holy crap.” I start to smile as it hits me. He is telling me exactly what I’ve wanted to hear for the past six weeks.

  He laughs. “My thoughts exactly. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

  “What made you…? Or…what…?” I can’t find the right question to ask. Fortunately, he knows what I’m trying to say.

  “When we were in my car on New Year’s, and I was telling you I just saw you as a friend, I kept hearing this voice in my head that told me I was lying. Ever since I met you, I’ve wanted to impress you so that you like me. I would get nervous around you. I would look forward to seeing you. Feelings that I’ve previously had for girls, I was starting to have for you. I’m still a little freaked out, if I’m being honest. I don’t know what this means in terms of my sexuality, but I decided to take a chance and see what happens.”

  “That’s okay if you don’t know,” I reassure him. “It’s about following your feelings, and you’ve done that.”

  “That’s what I think too. See, we’re always on the same page.”

  “Now that the shock has worn off, I can tell you that I am so happy right now.”

  “I’m glad to hear that because I was worried it was too late.”

  “Oh, heck no. So now what? The scenario in my head never played out this far with you.”

  “Well, I think it’s about time we had a proper date. I know we have the game tonight, so can you hang out tomorrow night?”

  “In the middle of finals? Absolutely.”

  He laughs. “Awesome. And look, I know that you’ve been keeping Kara in the loop on all of this, but is it okay if we keep this conversation between us? I’m just still paranoid about everything.”

  I knew that was coming. “I understand completely. My lips are sealed, I promise.” It’s going to be hard as hell, I think, but my lips are sealed.

  “Cool. Well until tonight, Brendan.”

  “All right, Mark. See you in a couple hours.”

  “Can’t wait.”

  I stop pacing and stand with my phone in my right hand, held to my chest. Did that just happen? I fall back onto my bed and stare at the ceiling for a minute, letting it all sink in. This is the point where I would normally call Kara to spill all the details. But keeping this news to myself feels right.

  I hear a knock at my door. “Brendan?” It’s my mom.

  “Yeah?”

  “What are you doing?” she asks, now opening the door.

  “Nothing, I just got off the phone.”

  “Who were you talking to?”

  This is foreign to me, but I have to lie to her. “Reese,” I say, randomly picking one of my friends.

  “All right, well, clean up your room. It’s a mess.”

  I put on my iPod and blast the happiest music I have while dancing and cleaning. I keep reliving the last five minutes of my life over and over. This is amazing.

  As my mind wanders, I realize that tonight’s going to be tricky. I want to talk to Mark as much as possible, but now that my friends know I have feelings for him, they will be a lot more conscious of my interactions with him. And let’s not forget about Kara, who thinks that I’m trying to get over him after being turned down. What will she think if I’m acting chummy with him the whole night?

  I have to make a conscious effort to not be so obvious tonight. Well, not just tonight, but anytime I hang out with him in a group. This might be tougher than I thought. I need my friends to gradually see me getting more comfortable around him each time we hang out, as if I have gotten over him and am now able to just be friends with him.

  *

  I want to ride to the game with Mark, but that wouldn’t work with my whole “don’t be obvious” plan. Plus I already told Kara I’d give her a ride. She and I get to my school a little before seven, expecting to be the first ones there. After paying for our tickets, we find that we’re wrong. Reese and Kelly are already inside, sitting in the third row close to the door.

  We wait for the current play to be over before scurrying toward the bleacher seats that they saved for us. I immediately notice Kelly’s new hairstyle.

  “Whoa, someone has a new ’do,” I say.

  “Yes, I got bangs. I’ll probably regret it in a week.”

  “Very trendy,” Kara says. “I like it.”

  “How was your week, B?” Reese asks.

  “Long. I have finals next week. When do you guys have yours?”

  “Next week,” Kelly says.

  “At least we’re in it together. Does that mean your History Day project is due too?”

  “Yep,” Reese says. “Did I break away from my group so that I could do a solo project? Yep.”

  I laugh. “What? I thought you have to have at least three people in your group.”

  “I talked to my teacher and explained that it wasn’t working with Natalie and Becky.”

  “Is Natalie pissed?” Kara asks.

  “I don’t care. And no, she’s not. She’s oblivious. So I’m looking forward to next week,” Reese says in a sarcastic tone. “And after tonight, I’ll be cooped up all weekend studying.”

  “Same,” I say. You know, other than my first date tomorrow night with Mark, I think. At least everyone will be busy so I don’t have to come up with an excuse as to why I can’t hang out.

  About ten minutes later, Natalie and Chris show up and file in next to us. Come on, Mark, get here already.

  “Guess who we just saw,” Natalie says to me. “Mr. Fukuda.” He’s the director of our musical this coming year. He rotates directorship every year with another teacher at our school. When he directed us two years ago, he put Natalie and me in the chorus. Hopefully this year, he’ll see us as lead potential.

  “Did you give him an impromptu preview of your audition?” I ask.

  “Maybe if I knew what song I’m going to do.”

  “I hear you. We have a week and a half to figure it out.”

  As I’m talking to Natalie, I’m the first one to spot Mark walking into the auditorium. He flashes me a smile and a wink.

  After saying hi to us, he sits down on the end next to Chris. While the two of them chat, Reese starts to talk to me about something, but I can’t snap out of my distraction, knowing Mark is just a few seats away from me.

  “What would you do?” she asks me.

  “Um…wait, repeat what you said. I got sucked into the game for a second.” Yeah, sure, the game.

  “I could live with Abby next year and know what I’m getting into, or I could go with a random roommate and risk hating her.”

  I can’t believe we’re already talking about her college living situation. It’s probably going to be months until I pick a school, let alone a roommate. Reese and Kelly have had their eyes set on Ohio State for a while now, so once they got accepted, it was a no-brainer for them.

  “Well, you’re not really close to Abby, right?” I ask. “So it would be like living with an acquaintance that you trust. You know she’s nice and responsible and all that.”

  “Right. And even if living with her doesn’t go as well as I hoped, it’s not like a friendship would be ruined because we’re not close friends.”

  “Whereas if you lived with Kelly—”

  “We’d kill each other by the end of the year,” Reese says.

  “I think living with Abby is a good option, but honestly, I would still suggest living with someone random. You would hopefully become friends, and then you’d meet even more people through her.”

  “But I think I would be able to meet people through so many other ways. I wouldn’t need to rely on my roommate and her social circle.”

  “True. You know what?” I say.

  “What?”

  “I can tell you already made up your mind.”

  “I think you’re right.”

  “So, go for it. It’s one less thing to worry about over the next seven months.”

  “Now I ca
n spend all my time trying to convince you to choose Ohio State.”

  “We’ll see. I’m hungry. Do you guys want food?” I ask Reese and Kelly.

  “Yeah, can you get me a Diet Coke?” Kelly says. “Screw it. I’ll have nachos too. I have money.”

  “South Beach Diet is over?” I ask her.

  “All bets are off during finals week.”

  “Anyone else want food?” I ask as I cross in front of everyone.

  “Yeah, I’ll come with you,” Mark says.

  “You read my mind,” I say to him as we walk toward the concession stand.

  “I had to take that opportunity to get some alone time with you. How are you?”

  “Good. It wasn’t a prank? That was really you on the phone today?”

  “It was all real,” he says as we get in line for food. “All right, what are we getting?”

  “I’m starving. I could eat a lot.”

  “Me, too. I say cheese fries, for sure.”

  “Yes. A couple soft pretzels.”

  “Hot dogs?” he asks, still looking at the menu.

  “Perfect. Can you handle the foot-long or you just want a six-incher?”

  “You’re so bad,” he says, nudging me with his elbow.

  “It’s an innocent question.”

  “Not coming from you, it isn’t. I know you.” He turns to me and leans in. “To answer your question, I can handle the foot-long.” His words send a shiver up my body.

  “I wish I could have seen your face when we talked on the phone today,” he continues.

  “Let me reenact it for you.” I turn to him with my eyebrows raised and my mouth wide open.

  He laughs. “That shocked?”

  “Yes. Usually stuff like this doesn’t work out. I can’t believe it.”

  We get our food and show up at the end of our row with our hands full. Before Natalie and Chris stand up to let me past, I debate whether to just sit on the end with Mark. I know it’s too obvious, so I head back to my original seat instead.

  “So, it looks like you and Mark are okay?” Kara quietly asks me after I sit down.

  “Yeah, we’re good,” I say casually. “We’ve seen each other at school this past week and talked. I mean, what can I do? I have feelings for a straight guy.”

  “I guess that makes it easier for you to move on, knowing you can’t do anything about it.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay, I’m bored,” Chris says loudly.

  “It’s not even halftime,” Kara says.

  “Let’s play the question game,” Chris says.

  “What’s that?” Reese asks.

  “Someone asks a question, and we all have to answer it,” he explains.

  “This is Chris’s way of asking us who our same-sex crushes are,” I say.

  “Oh, gosh,” Kelly says. “This crap again? Let’s start with an easier question, like something we’re afraid of or something.”

  “Okay, Mrs. Silverstone, I’ll go first,” I say. “I’m afraid of…fear.” My friends laugh.

  “You’re so weird,” Natalie says before continuing with, “Let’s all go around the room and say something we love. I’ll go first. I love…”

  “Love,” she and I say in unison.

  “Let’s all go around the room and say something we hate,” Chris says. “I hate…basketball.”

  We all laugh before Kelly looks at Chris and says, “I hate Debbie Downers.”

  “Really?” Chris says. “I hate bangs.”

  Kelly tries to maintain a serious face but cracks and starts laughing. “Touché.”

  By the start of the fourth quarter, with finals almost upon us, we all decide to call it a night.

  “See you, Mark,” I say. He extends his arms to give me a hug.

  “See you tomorrow,” he whispers to me while we’re embracing. I try my hardest not to smile but I can’t help it. Fortunately, no one is looking at me.

  Chapter Eight

  Considering I’ve been dreaming about it since the day I met him, I decide to take the lead in planning my first date with Mark. I pick a local Italian restaurant near his house for dinner, followed by a late movie. His parents are much less suspicious than my mom, so when he tells them that his friend, Brendan, will be driving him tonight, they don’t think twice about it.

  I pull into his driveway, nervous but mostly excited about seeing him. A few seconds later, he walks out of his front door with a huge smile on his face. He looks unbelievably cute.

  “Hi, buddy,” he says, after getting inside.

  “Hi. How are you?”

  “Good. Finally we’re alone together.”

  “I know. It was hard to restrain myself last night.”

  “So, where are you taking me?”

  “Well, I know your favorite food is Italian, and I remember you telling me about a certain restaurant you went to for your birthday last year.”

  “No way,” he says. “Cipriano’s?”

  “You got it.”

  “I can’t believe you remembered that.”

  “Oh, it took a lot of Googling. I knew it started with a C, but that’s about it.”

  “I’m excited.”

  I hold the restaurant door open for Mark as we walk inside the small, dimly lit space. The darker the better, so that no one sees us. Italian music plays at a low volume while we take our seats at a table for two.

  “So, here we are,” I say.

  “Gosh, you look…you look really good.”

  My smile can’t get any wider. “Thanks, Mark. You look very cute yourself.”

  I’ve never been able to say something like that to another guy. For weeks I have been wanting to tell Mark how cute I think he is.

  “Is it weird that I’m nervous?” he asks.

  “I am too. We shouldn’t be. It’s not like this is the first time we’ve hung out.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Although the last time we went to dinner together, it didn’t end quite as I had hoped.”

  He laughs. “Tonight will be different, I promise.”

  “So how was your day? Didn’t you have soccer?”

  “I did.”

  “Did you win?”

  “Duh.”

  I laugh. “Did you score?”

  His face changes. “Okay, no, but—”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “But I had two assists,” he quickly says.

  “Nice. So, where do you usually play, or is it all over?”

  “Well, this game is for the travel league I’m on, so we play all over the place, but still in the Cleveland area. Sometimes Columbus.”

  “Gotcha.”

  “When does tennis season start for you?” he asks.

  “Early April. Practices start in March, I think, but I’ll still be doing the musical then so I’m able to skip them. You know I have auditions for that in a couple weeks, right?”

  “Oh yeah, that’s right. Are you going to get the lead?”

  “Duh.”

  He laughs.

  “Actually, I don’t know,” I say. “I hope so. The part I’m going for is a little high for my vocal range.”

  “You know, I’ve never heard you sing before.”

  “And we’re going to keep it that way for a long time.”

  After ordering our food, I become less nervous, and my conversation with Mark is as natural as ever.

  “I have a question,” I say.

  “I love when you set up your questions.”

  “I was thinking about this yesterday. For the past couple months, you’ve been hanging out with me and my group of friends a lot. So who else do you hang out with? I don’t even know who your closest friends are.”

  “Well, I have my soccer friends and people from school, but I don’t usually hang out with them on the weekends,” he explains. “My family is Croatian, and it’s a really tight-knit community here, so I actually spend a lot of time with them. Like, my cousins and stuff.”

  “Oh yeah, I
remember Natalie talking about this. So were your parents born in Croatia?”

  “Yep.”

  “Do you speak Croatian fluently? That’s the name of the language, right?”

  He laughs. “Yes and yes.”

  “Cool. I didn’t know that. I just know you taught Chris how to say some dirty things in Croatian.”

  “At his request.”

  “Naturally. What’s the phrase that he always says?”

  “I’m not telling you. It will turn me on too much if you say it to me.”

  “But it might come in handy someday,” I say. His smile fades. “I’m kidding. Sorry, inappropriate first date discussion.”

  He snaps out of his blank stare. “Sorry, I was letting my mind go to bad places.”

  “Oh, phew! I thought I offended you.”

  “Hell no,” he says. “But we should switch subjects before I get any more excited.”

  “Hold on. Now my mind is going to bad places.”

  I’ve never even kissed a guy before, so my hormones are racing when I picture myself going even farther with Mark. Of course I’m not ready to do anything sexual with him yet, but it’s sure nice to fantasize about it.

  He snaps us back into a safe conversation. “Okay, back to our friendship discussion. I’ve met all of your close friends, right?”

  “Yeah, pretty much. I have a couple other friends from grade school who I’m close with, but I don’t see them that often because we have separate groups of friends.”

  “That’s cool you’ve known all of your friends for so long.”

  “It is. I grew up with them, so I’ve always been myself around them without even thinking about it. If you haven’t noticed already, I’m kind of a weird guy. They understand that and appreciate it.”

  “So, are you close to your family?” he asks.

  “Not really. Maybe as I get older I will be. There are some pretty significant age gaps between my sisters and me that won’t seem as big when I’m in my twenties.”

  “Makes sense. My sister’s only a year younger than me, and we definitely have our issues.”

  Our waitress interrupts our conversation, placing our food on the table. “Here you go, guys. Enjoy.”

  “Thanks,” Mark and I say in unison.