Bottled Up Secret Page 13

  I’m also getting nervous about it all. What if I’m bad at everything I try? What if it’s awkward? Fortunately, after arriving at his house and seeing his face, my nerves calm.

  “You’re early,” Mark says to me after opening the door. “Eager to get over here?”

  I can’t help but notice how good he looks. He always looks put-together, but tonight he looks extra spiffy, wearing a fitted gray T-shirt with his hair perfectly tousled.

  We get some pizza delivered and relax in his living room while catching each other up on our week. For the first time, since no one is home at his house, we aren’t exiled to the basement. Every touch and kiss is foreplay, getting me more and more excited for what’s going to come later tonight.

  “Guess what,” I say to him as we eat our dinner.

  “What?”

  “My sister’s pregnant.”

  “I knew that.”

  “Sorry, my other sister.”

  He laughs. “That’s awesome. So this will be your third niece or nephew?”

  “Yep.”

  “Do you like kids?” he asks.

  “I love babies and am great with them. Once they reach, like, age four, they tend to annoy me. They just have an attitude, right?”

  “I’m the opposite. Babies are too fragile for me. I always worry they’re going to fall and get hurt or choke on something. Once they get a little older, I can do more stuff with them like play games and sports.”

  “So together we’d make perfect parents.”

  He smiles. “Do you want kids?”

  “Yeah. You?”

  “Yeah. But how would you?” he asks.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.”

  “So, when you pictured your future before you realized you’re gay, was it different?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Like, when you were younger, didn’t you picture yourself marrying a girl?”

  “Oh. I guess so.”

  “So then once you came out, did you just swap the girl out for a guy? But the picture in your mind stayed the same?”

  I think about it for a few seconds. “Yeah, exactly. If I want to get married and have kids, that’s what I’m going to do, regardless of whether I’m gay or straight. Why do you ask?”

  “It’s just cool how simple things are in your brain. When it comes to all this, my thoughts go all over the place. For you, nothing big seems to have changed.”

  After we finish our food, it’s time for the main event. Mark takes my hand and leads me up to his bedroom, stopping every few feet to give me a kiss. What I’ve been fantasizing about for weeks is about to come to fruition.

  Once in his room, Mark lies down on his bed and pulls me on top of him. We slowly start to kiss, barely touching our lips to each other.

  “Kissing on my bed for the first time,” he says.

  “Much better than a couch.”

  Our kisses become more intense, our breathing heavier. I roll over on my back and pull him on top of me. I move my hands from his face to the back of his head where I grab his hair, perhaps harder than I planned.

  He slides his lips across my left cheek until they land on my neck. He kisses it gently before moving to my ear. When I feel like I can’t take it anymore, I grab his face and bring his lips back to mine.

  While kissing him, I tug at his shirt and pull it up over his head, our lips coming apart for only a second before meeting again. I throw it across the room and grip his back. Our lips part, and I kiss his chest, gently licking his nipples before moving down his stomach. I stop at the top of his pants and slide my tongue back and forth just above his waist. I hear him moan and enjoy teasing him, knowing that the teasing is only temporary tonight.

  He pulls away as he slides his body down the bed and hikes my shirt up to reveal my stomach. It’s time for payback. He proceeds to kiss my stomach, hitting my ticklish spots he’s discovered over the past few weeks. He moves his mouth up my stomach and chest, bringing my shirt up with him until it is scrunched at my neck. I pull it up over my arms and head, tossing it in the same direction that I threw his.

  What happens next feels better than I could have ever imagined. After we’re done, Mark and I roll onto our backs and catch our breath. My body needs a minute to recover. He leans over and kisses me.

  “I’m speechless,” I finally say.

  He laughs. “You’re so sexy.” I shake my head and point to him.

  After a few minutes, our paralysis wears off. We get dressed in our comfy clothes and take advantage of the fact that we have his bed to lie in for the rest of the night. We snuggle up together as he holds me in his arms, which honestly feels just as good as what we just experienced.

  “All right, I have to ask,” I say later in the night as my head rests on his chest. “Be honest.”

  “Well, your ear is resting on my heart right now, so if it starts to race, you’ll know I’m lying.”

  “Good. I’m a lie detector. So, what you and I just did…how does that compare to one of your past hook-ups with a girl?” He bursts into laughter. “Mark, I feel your heart beating faster. Don’t lie to me.”

  “I haven’t even said anything yet. What happened with you just now was more intense than any other physical experience I’ve ever had.” I smile, but I’m not sure he can see my face. “How’s my heart rate?”

  “Steady,” I respond.

  “See, I’d never lie to you. Want to know the coolest thing? That was the first time you and I have done anything together. It’s only going to get hotter from here.”

  “You think?” I ask, turning my head to look up at him.

  “Trust me. Your imagination is probably running wild with ideas. I know how dirty your mind is.”

  “No. I’m innocent, remember?”

  “Right,” Mark says. “That’s what I thought when I first met you. I was afraid I’d say something that would offend you or something. Then I came to know the truth.”

  “Well, I think I was a little repressed. Hormones raging and all. Tonight they were released…literally.”

  Mark laughs. “What am I going to do with you?”

  “You know what I really like?” I say. “How you appreciate my weirdness and goofiness. I’ve always been myself around you and have never felt judged.”

  “Well, the truth is I think you’re a total dork, but it makes me really attracted to you. And I think it brings out my goofy side, which I don’t normally express with my friends.”

  “I love that side of you.” After a few seconds of silence, I have a thought. “Don’t you wish we could just have privacy like this all the time? It would be so much easier.”

  “I know. Believe me, I know. Until then…” He grabs my face and kisses me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kelly and Reese are turning eighteen this week (even their birthdays are practically the same), so my friends and I are going to a dinner for them tonight. Because I’m not able to see Mark, he and I decide to get lunch in the afternoon followed by a little shopping.

  I suck at picking out clothes. He, on the other hand, looks good in every single article of clothing he owns, so I’m pretty much going to buy whatever he tells me to buy.

  Before shopping, we decide to go to a Mediterranean restaurant not too far from my house. It’s part of a larger outdoor shopping center / restaurant haven.

  Mark and I walk into the restaurant, side by side, but before I can tell the hostess that we would like a table for two, I hear a familiar voice.

  “Um, Brendan…”

  I turn to my right to find Natalie and her mom sitting at a table. Oh no. I’ve always been worried about running into someone I know while out with Mark. I guess I expected it to be an acquaintance or a relative to whom I could quickly say hi, choose whether to introduce Mark, and then move on. I’ve never played out this scenario with one of my best friends.

  I try to make my face look as if I didn’t just get caught. I briefly turn to Mark
to find that he isn’t as successful in accomplishing this with his.

  “Natalie, what’s up?” I force a slight laugh. Mark stays silent but smiles at her. “Hi, Mrs. Suarez,” I say to Natalie’s mom.

  Natalie’s confused look remains on her face as she asks, “What are you guys doing here?” What she really means to say is, Why are you two hanging out alone together? I take care of all the talking while Mark stands by.

  “Oh, I was bored at home and decided I want to do some shopping, and Mark has to buy something for his mom’s birthday, so we decided to go together.”

  Where did that come from? I don’t even know when Mark’s mom’s birthday is, but luckily Natalie doesn’t either so my lie isn’t obvious. Despite trying to sound casual, she’s definitely still not convinced.

  I choose not to continue my rambling and instead ask, “You’re going to the dinner tonight, right?”

  I make eye contact with the hostess, who has returned to her stand. I hold two fingers up so we have an excuse to exit the conversation.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there,” Natalie says.

  “Okay, cool. I’ll see you then. Good seeing you, Mrs. Suarez.”

  Mark and I speed walk to our table, which, fortunately, isn’t near Natalie’s.

  “Crap, crap, crap,” I whisper with a fake slight smile on my face to appear unfazed as we sit down.

  “This is bad, isn’t it?”

  “No,” I say, trying to reassure him and myself. “I just have to make sure I know what I’m going to say tonight when she asks me about this.

  “Okay, you and I are friends,” I continue. “She knows that. I just need to play it off like it’s not unusual for us to hang out one-on-one. I’ll explain that we see each other a good amount at school and have become closer.”

  “Okay. Don’t overexplain, though.” I can tell he’s worried.

  “I know. I wish I had never told her I have feelings for you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be as suspicious.”

  “Wait, did you ever tell her that you confessed your feelings to me…and that I rejected you?” he says with an innocent smile.

  “Actually, no. Why?”

  “Okay, then you need to. Tell her you moved on from me a while ago because you realized there was no hope once I rejected you. Then—”

  “Can you stop saying the word ‘reject’? I still have a complex from that night,” I say jokingly.

  He cracks a smile before continuing. “But seriously, then it makes sense that we’re friends. We decided that we still like hanging out with each other, but you understood that nothing romantic would ever happen with us.”

  “Okay.” I’m not sure his explanation would convince Natalie and especially Chris, but he thinks it’s great, so I don’t argue. Besides, he doesn’t need to worry about this. I’m the one who will be dealing with it tonight.

  “Also,” Mark says, “my mom’s birthday?!”

  I laugh. “No idea. I panicked.”

  *

  That night, I arrive at the restaurant a little late, but immediately spot Reese and her tiara sitting with the others.

  “I’m confused,” Natalie says as I sit down. “I’ve never arrived somewhere before you. What’s happening?”

  “I know. This feels so unnatural.”

  “Did your shopping trip go long?” she asks.

  “Yeah, actually. I lost track of time. And the stores were crowded.” I wait for more prying but she doesn’t say anything.

  Chris, however, jumps right in. “Brendan, I heard you and Mark had a little lunch date today.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I say. Until he asks me a question, I’m not going to give him any more information. Like Mark told me, I shouldn’t overexplain. Liars always give themselves away by offering up too many details.

  “What’s going on there?” he asks in a somewhat jealous tone.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Brendan, come on,” Natalie chimes in. “A couple months ago you were head over heels for him, and now you’re hanging out with him one-on-one, which we had no idea about.”

  I give a slight laugh. Time for Mark’s plan. “Okay, I didn’t tell you this—well, Kara knows—but on New Year’s Eve I told Mark how I felt about him, and he straight up rejected me.” Mark’s favorite word again. “But he was really nice about it and still wanted to be friends, so we are. I moved on. Like you said, that was a couple months ago. Besides, today was one of the few times I’ve hung out with him alone.”

  “I’m going to need to hear the details of that New Year’s Eve story later,” Natalie says. “But staying on this topic, isn’t it strange that he knows you have feelings for him, and don’t pretend that you still don’t, but he wants to hang out with you alone? Most straight guys wouldn’t do that.”

  Kelly, Reese, and Kara have a lull in their conversation, so their eyes turn to Natalie and me.

  “I agree with you,” I tell Natalie. “I expected Mark to keep his distance because I made things awkward by telling him.”

  “What’s going on?” Kelly asks. “What did you tell him?”

  Chris gives a quick recap to bring them up to speed and to bring in more people whom I now have to go up against.

  Kelly gives her take on the situation. “So you told him you liked him, and since then you’ve gotten to the point where he asks you out for lunch and a shopping spree? He likes you.” Sometimes she can be so matter-of-fact with her simplification of things. It’s annoying because this time she’s right.

  “I wish he liked me,” I say. “Believe me. But I don’t think he does. He doesn’t flirt or anything. I think he just likes having me as a friend. Just like he’s friends with Chris.”

  Kara comes to my rescue. “And Chris, you said he loves attention, right? So I’m sure he was flattered that Brendan liked him. It wouldn’t push him away.”

  Chris ignores her and keeps digging. “You said this is one of the only times you’ve hung out with him alone. So, when else did you hang out?”

  “Oh, well on New Year’s we got dinner alone. You knew that. And I’ve gotten food after school with him and stuff.”

  “See, now I’m wondering if that mystery guy you went on a date with last month is Mark,” Natalie says.

  “Wait, what?” Chris says.

  “Thank you for bringing that up, Natalie,” I say, partly annoyed that she’s telling everyone about that, partly annoyed that her suspicions are dead on.

  “Who did you go out with?” Chris asks.

  “I can’t say because he’s not out. And it doesn’t matter because that was one date. It didn’t go anywhere.”

  “Does he go to Xavier?” Chris asks.

  “It doesn’t matter. That date was nothing.”

  “I still feel like you’re hiding something from us,” Natalie says. Apparently I’m not too convincing. I’m too tense. This is a problem with being an open book. Once you start to be secretive, people notice.

  “What do you mean?” I smile, trying to look more relaxed.

  “I don’t know. I just think normal Brendan would be so excited if Mark asked him to hang out.”

  “I think I asked him to hang out today.”

  “Okay, fine. Then you’d be excited that he said yes and you’d run and tell us.”

  “It’s not that big a deal. I mean, I’m sure I still have some lingering feelings for him, but I don’t think about it because I already did all I could with that situation. I told him how I felt. So even if he were gay or did like me, he’d never admit it.”

  “Well, if he does, you have to tell us,” Chris says.

  I feign a laugh. “Okay, deal. But he’d probably tell you before he told me.”

  The questioning stops when the waiter comes to take our order.

  After ordering, Reese, who has stayed silent throughout the conversation, changes the subject. If she suspects I’m lying, she also respects that I want to keep this private, so she has not contributed to the inquisition. She’s always been good at letting p
eople do their own thing and not getting involved in things that don’t concern her.

  “Okay, enough of that,” she says. “Who’s everyone taking to prom?”

  “Natalie’s taking me,” Chris says.

  “Yes, I’m taking a gay guy,” Natalie replies. “It’s my responsibility and destiny.”

  “Who’s taking Brendan?” Kelly asks.

  “I call him,” Reese says. “Unless I can convince Steve to go with me.”

  “Who?” Kara and I say in unison.

  “This guy I work with. He’s so hot. He has a pierced lip, his waist is smaller than mine, and he smells like a vanilla car freshener.”

  “Hot,” Natalie says.

  “Okay, when will you know?” Kelly asks. “Because if you don’t take Brendan, I will.”

  “Give me two weeks.”

  “Forget about our prom,” Natalie says. “Let’s talk about prom at Xavier. Brendan, who are you taking, because I have to go.”

  “Chris can take you,” Reese says.

  “Reese, I’m a junior,” Chris says. “Don’t make it worse.”

  She laughs. “Oh my gosh, I wasn’t thinking. Brendan, you can take Natalie. Kelly and I will find dates.”

  “Speak for yourself,” Kelly says.

  “Let’s figure it out when we’re closer to the day,” I say.

  “Wait, Brendan, you can’t take Natalie,” Chris says. “Aren’t you taking Mark?”

  “You’re funny,” I say to him. Clearly they won’t be forgetting about this any time soon.

  “Kara, are you and Andrew going to be in our prom group if we go?” Kelly asks.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what his friends are doing.”

  “Are you kidding?” Natalie says. “You might not sit at our table?”

  “It’s his prom. I don’t know.”

  “Well, I think he should let you go with your closest friends,” Natalie says. “He probably doesn’t even care about the dance.”

  “I’ll be with all of you for our prom.”

  “That’s not the same,” Natalie says. “You know prom is a bigger deal at Xavier.”

  “All right, well, I’m not going to tell Andrew what to do for his dance.”