Bottled Up Secret Read online

  “So, Brendan,” Mark’s dad says, “do you go to Saint Xavier?”

  “Yep.”

  “You don’t play soccer, do you?”

  “No,” I say, not knowing what else to add.

  “He plays tennis,” Mark says. “He got third in state last year.”

  “Wow, good for you,” Mr. Galovic says. “I played tennis when I was younger. Wasn’t too good, but I enjoyed it. It’s a great sport.”

  I’m happy when Eva interrupts her dad’s line of questioning. “What are you guys doing tonight?”

  “Just watching a movie here,” Mark answers.

  “You doing anything tonight?” I ask her. I’m taking any chance I can get to talk to her. It gives me a break from potential questioning from Mark’s dad, although his questions so far have been harmless. I guess I’m worried that he’s going to pick up on the fact that I’m gay.

  “Yeah, I’m just hanging out at a friend’s house,” Eva answers.

  “Which friend?” Mr. Galovic asks.

  “Maura.”

  “Are any boys going to be there?”

  “Oh my gosh, Dad,” she replies. He continues to stare at her until she answers. “Yes.”

  “What are you going to be doing?”

  His persistent questioning is exactly what I was afraid of. I’m glad I’m not on the receiving end.

  “We’re just going to be hanging out and talking,” Eva answers.

  “And there will be no alcohol there,” Mark’s dad says. The way he says it makes it seem more like an order as opposed to a question.

  “No. And if there were, I wouldn’t drink any,” she adds with a condescending smile.

  “Good answer,” he says, finally satisfied.

  “You know, you never grill Mark like this,” Eva says.

  “Well, with him, I don’t have to worry about the threat of teenage boys.” It takes everything in me not to sneak a peek at Mark.

  “And you’re right, I should grill Mark more,” he continues. “Mark, will you be drinking tonight?”

  “No, Dad,” Mark says.

  Mr. Galovic looks at me. “And, Brendan, will you be drinking?”

  “No,” I quickly say.

  “Great. Satisfied?” he says, looking at Eva.

  “You’re not funny, Dad.”

  “You can’t win with teenage girls,” he says to me.

  I give a smile and slight laugh. “I have five older sisters. I’m used to it.”

  “Five? You must be very patient,” Mrs. Galovic says. “Your wife is going to be lucky.”

  This time I manage to give a slight smile to Mark. I spend the next ten minutes or so mostly observing Mark and his family. It’s easy to see how much they care for each other.

  After dinner, Mark and I head back downstairs.

  “How harmless was that?” he asks.

  “Thank God. I can relax now.”

  “You did great. I can tell my dad likes you.”

  “Yeah? Good.”

  “Should we pop in the movie?”

  “Sure. So do you want to hear a funny story?” I ask Mark while he’s getting the movie set up. “And by ‘funny,’ I mean ‘mortifying.’”

  “Go for it.”

  “Today, my sister, Maggie, found some porn of mine on our house computer.”

  His jaw drops. “Gay porn?”

  I laugh. “Of course. Is there any other kind?”

  “Oh my gosh,” he says before laughing. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t laugh. So what did she say? Did she freak out?”

  “No, not at all. Fortunately, she didn’t care. She just told me to delete it before my mom sees it.”

  “Did she ask if you’re gay or anything?”

  “I think she got the answer to that question already.”

  “So did she, like, open up pictures or videos that you saved or what?”

  “No…actually I don’t know. I hope not! She just showed me some of the names of the files that were in the computer’s ‘Recent Files’ list.”

  “Oh no,” he says, starting to laugh again. “What were the names?”

  “I blocked them from my memory. Probably ‘hot Croatian guys’ or something.”

  “Uh-huh. Trying to flatter me?”

  “What do you like?”

  He leans in. “I like kind…” He kisses me. “Smart…” Another kiss. “Adorable guys.” I roll my eyes at him.

  “You are so handsome,” he says.

  “Stop. No, I’m not.”

  “Come on. You know you are.”

  “I’ll be honest with you,” I say. “I think I have a good smile and I clean up nicely, but I’d be happy to change some things about my appearance.”

  “Like what?”

  “I wish I weren’t so pale. I wish my lips were big like yours. Oh, and my nose is crooked.”

  Mark laughs. “No, it’s not. Let me see.” I hold my head still so he can see my face straight on. “Okay, I kind of see it, but I would have never noticed that. Now it’s my turn to be honest with you. Your smile kills me. It’s one thing to be modest, but I want you to know how handsome you are.”

  “I will accept your compliment. I don’t want you to think I’m super hard on myself. I have good self-esteem.”

  “Okay, good. Just making sure. I have things I want to change about myself too, you know.”

  “Can’t wait to hear this,” I say. “What?”

  “My ass.”

  My jaw drops. “Are you kidding me? What about it?”

  “It’s too big.”

  “Oh my gosh. You’re crazy! You have the best butt I’ve ever seen in my life.”

  “I love that you never say swear words. It cracks me up.”

  “Oh, because I said ‘butt’ instead of…”

  “Ass. Yes.”

  “I swear occasionally. It makes more of a statement when I do it because people don’t expect it.”

  “So when do you do it? When you’re mad?”

  “I guess so.”

  “But you never get mad.”

  “Which is why you’ve never heard me swear,” I say with a smile.

  “Hopefully I never will.”

  Chapter Twelve

  As the school day is winding down the following Thursday, I get a text from Mark, asking me to call him as soon as my last class is done. I’m planning to pick up food with Chris before rehearsal starts, which leaves me about five minutes to talk on the phone in private. As soon as the bell rings, my phone is to my ear.

  “Hey,” Mark answers, sounding kind of serious.

  “What’s up?”

  “Has Chris texted you?”

  “No.”

  “Okay, good. I was in class with him today, and he was looking at something on my phone when you texted me. And my phone was on vibrate so I wasn’t even paying attention.”

  “What did I say? It couldn’t have been anything bad.” I try to remember the texts I sent him today.

  “No, it’s not like you called me a pet name or something. It said, ‘Have you looked into what movie we should see tomorrow?’”

  Mark and I picked Friday to be our date night this coming weekend. Kelly has plans that night, so that’s one less person to whom we have to lie.

  “Crap,” I say. “So he read it?”

  “Yeah, he saw the text come through so he’s like, ‘Brendan texted you.’ He started to read it out loud, and then his voice trailed off and he was like, ‘You and Brendan are hanging out tomorrow?’ He wasn’t sure what to make of it.”

  “What’d you say?” I ask, praying he didn’t say anything to dig the hole deeper.

  “I said, ‘Yeah, Brendan said he was going to ask everyone else if they wanted to go too. He didn’t ask you yet?’”

  “Perfect. Did that satisfy him?”

  “I think so, but you need to invite him and everyone else ASAP.”

  “Aw, really? Can’t we just say we’re not going anymore or something? I don’t want anyone else to come.”


  “I know, but it’s just safer if we invite him. I don’t want him to be any more suspicious than he already is.”

  “All right, fine. Maybe he can’t even go anyway.”

  A few minutes later, I get to my car, where Chris is already standing. While we drive to get food, I decide to wait a little while to bring up the movie so as not to appear too obvious.

  “Oh!” I say. “I was talking to Mark about seeing a movie this weekend. Any interest?”

  “I was waiting for my invite.”

  “What do you mean?” Clearly I’m going to play dumb.

  “I saw your text to Mark about it earlier.”

  “Oh, I was going to make my rounds. I swear.”

  “Who’s going so far?”

  “Well, Kelly can’t hang out tomorrow, and I still need to ask Reese and Natalie…and Kara.”

  “Okay, so just you and Mark so far.”

  “Yeah, but we won’t go if no one else can.”

  “Well, I can go. I’m working Saturday night, but I‘m off tomorrow.”

  Great. Date night is ruined. I might as well invite everyone else now. At least I’ll still be able to see Mark. More importantly, I think I’m successful at squashing Chris’s suspicions.

  After picking up food, Chris and I find a closer parking spot and head to rehearsal. Today we are learning a big dance number, which involves almost everyone in the cast. It will for sure be chaotic, but also a blast. About an hour into it, I ask Natalie about her weekend plans.

  “None yet,” she replies.

  “Okay, well, Chris, Mark, and I were talking about maybe seeing a movie tomorrow night. You interested?”

  “Just the four of us?”

  “For now, yeah.”

  “I guess so,” she says after debating for a few seconds.

  Suddenly the doors of the auditorium swing open as our choreographer, Ned, makes his dramatic entrance. A tall black man with a feminine voice and a strut like a diva, we all assumed that he’s gay. Apparently he has a girlfriend, but I’d like to see proof.

  “All right, everyone, gather around,” he yells.

  The twenty or so of us group together as he explains what we will be doing today. He is teaching us the dance for the title song of the show, “Anything Goes.” He tells us it involves multiple dance breaks, so we can’t waste any time.

  He wasn’t kidding. As the closing song of the first act, it’s a huge tap-dance number. I actually took a tap class with Natalie last summer so I’m pretty good, but my triple-time steps could definitely use some work. As the leads, she and I are placed front and center.

  Tap’s cool because you can fake the stuff that you can’t do that well. The audience can’t see whether someone is really getting in all the sounds that he’s supposed to.

  After three hours, the dance looks amazing—well, at least it feels amazing doing it. I’m not sure what it looks like to Ned.

  “Not good enough!” he yells at us as we hold our final pose of the dance.

  “Can we get a water break?” a girl yells.

  “Give me one more run-through. If it’s perfect, you can go home.”

  “If not?” Chris asks.

  “It will be,” Ned says, trying to encourage us after telling us we’re not good enough.

  Fortunately, he was right. After we run the dance again, a few of us collapse to the floor in exhaustion as Ned yells, “Yes! Yes! Thank you!”

  *

  As planned, the next night, Chris, Natalie, Mark, and I go see a movie. Kara and Reese are busy tonight, although Kara told me that she would have loved to watch Mark and me try to behave like we’re only friends.

  Mark and I are the first ones to arrive at the theater.

  “Maybe they won’t show up?” I say to him as we stand side by side, looking out at the parking lot.

  “Maybe we should ditch them before they do,” he responds before giving me a nudge with his hip.

  “Maybe there won’t be four seats together in the theater, and we’ll have to sit two and two!”

  “Maybe the movie will be sold out,” he says. “And we’ll…um…I don’t know where I was going with that one.”

  We both laugh. A few minutes later, all of our possible scenarios are dashed as our friends arrive and we successfully find four seats together in the theater. I don’t even manage to sit next to Mark.

  After the movie, we head to an ice cream shop to talk and hang out.

  “Oh my gosh,” Chris says right after we sit down. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you guys this.”

  “What?” Natalie and I say in unison.

  “Guess who just came out?”

  Nothing like a bit of gossip to perk me up. We all look at each other but can’t think of any good guesses.

  “Jeff Dietrich,” Chris says.

  “Wow, really?” I ask. I met Jeff last year during our school’s musical. I’m not surprised that he’s gay, but I guess I’m surprised he came out.

  “Did Jeff tell you himself?” Mark asks Chris.

  “No, he told Dave Nelson, who told me.”

  “Wait,” Natalie says. “Isn’t Jeff’s dad…”

  “A Theology teacher at our school,” I say.

  “Has Jeff told his dad yet?” Mark asks.

  “God, no,” Chris says.

  “Well, he might be finding out soon,” Natalie says.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “I’d hope people wouldn’t say anything to him.”

  “They better not,” Mark says, probably more intensely than he planned. “It’s not their place at all.”

  “Is that comment directed toward me?” Chris asks.

  “No, I know you would never tell his dad or anything, but, yeah, I guess it’s not your place to tell us even.”

  “Who are you guys going to tell?” Chris says.

  “No one, but what if Jeff only wanted a few people to know and now the number is growing exponentially?”

  “Honestly, I don’t think he cares who knows,” Chris says. “He’s told a good number of people. I think he’s ready to be out to everyone except his family. And I can keep a secret. I know some other people who are gay, and I haven’t said a word because they aren’t ready for people to know.” He gives a subtle look toward me.

  As the rest of the night progresses, so does my frustration that I have to treat Mark like a friend. It’s been so long since we’ve hung out in a group, I forgot what it’s like. It brings me back to the days when no one knew I was gay and I had to watch my every move around him.

  A few minutes after getting into my car to head home for the night, my phone rings.

  “Hi, Mark,” I say.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing,” I say with an exhale.

  “No? You were pretty quiet tonight.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, sir. Something was bothering you. I’m guessing I know what it is.”

  “What?”

  “I think it was hard for you to have to treat me like a friend tonight. It was hard for me.”

  “It was. I just wanted to kiss you tonight.”

  “You sound so sad.”

  “No, I’m fine,” I say, trying to not sound so dejected. “I promise. Tonight was just…I don’t know. Harder than I thought it would be.”

  “Well, I wanted to kiss you too, so let’s do it.”

  “I’m about to turn into my development.”

  “Look in your rearview mirror.”

  Mark is smiling and waving in the car behind me. After turning into my neighborhood, I pull over and turn my car off. I’m about to step out but he runs to my passenger side, opens the door, and sits down.

  “There’s that smile I was looking for tonight,” he says.

  I manage to stop smiling long enough to give him a kiss. “You’re so cute,” I say.

  “It’s the least I could do. I’m the reason we had to put on a charade tonight.”

  “It’s okay. Like you said on our f
irst date, it’s best if we limit the number of group outings we have together. This is why. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I still had fun.”

  “I understand,” he says. “And I will no longer let Chris play with my phone in class.”

  “Speaking of Chris, you were getting pretty passionate talking about Jeff with him tonight.”

  “The kid’s dad works at our school. What if it gets back to him?”

  “I know, but Chris would never cross that line.”

  “But the more people that Chris tells, the greater the chance that Jeff’s dad will find out.”

  “Good point. But look at me, for example. I’m confident that my friends haven’t told anyone that I’m gay because I specifically told them not to and they wouldn’t betray my trust. It’s about telling people you trust.”

  “I trust no one,” Mark says.

  “Awesome. Makes me optimistic about our future.”

  He laughs. “All right, Brendan, have a good night. I hope you liked my stalker gesture.”

  “Loved it.”

  We give each other an official good-night kiss before he heads back to his car.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Mark and I have been dating for about six weeks now, but we haven’t done anything past kissing. Being sexual with a guy is foreign to both of us, so we wanted to take things slowly. Yes, it’s been hard to resist going further, but it will all be worth it this weekend. Mark’s parents are taking his sister to a soccer tournament in Columbus, and they will be staying there Friday night.

  That means Mark and I will finally have a whole night to ourselves alone. And we both agree that we’ve waited long enough to get physical. Of course we won’t have sex. I’m staying steadfast in my decision to wait, at least for now, but just about everything else is on the table.

  I’d like nothing more than to stay overnight at Mark’s, holding him in my arms while we sleep. I even considered telling my mom that I’d be out on the east side tonight and might just sleep at a friend’s there, but I realized it would only invite more suspicion. Besides, the chances she’d say yes are slim. Oh well. This Friday will still be amazing.

  The days leading up to the big day went painfully slow. It was all I could think about. Kissing Mark gets me ramped up enough. Going beyond that? My brain is exploding imagining it.